Uh-oh Amber

Skinny ol'Amber could be in a lot of trouble.  Someone should have taken that baby away a very long time ago.  Intervention Dr. Drew?

Real Housewives of Ebong

RHODC. Last night was part 1 of the Real Housewives of DC Reunion.  Andy Cohen is a damn evil genius.  His 2-part reunion episodes are brilliant. Lets break it down by wife.

Mary: Obviously, Mary is everyone’s favorite in DC.  Great new hair color btw.  Andy took it pretty easy on Mary and rightfully so.  The only really offensive thing Mary did all season was get drunk and say we should integrate salons which was a stupid comment but hey, integration is the way. 

Linda:  Oh Linda you are a pill and apparently a stoner (or a former stoner).  Linda needs a lifetime movie made out of her life. Southern Baptist, divorce, converted to Judaism, divorce, owns a "modeling" agency, republican, apparently used to be a huge pothead, now a pill popper, sages her house and uses holy water, and dates my dream man Ebong.  Cheers Linda.  Last night Linda was her usual firecracker self.  I cannot wait until next week when Ebong tells Tareq that he would have "put him to sleep" if he was there. Ebong, I love you.

Stacie:  Poor Stacie was totally wondering why she got stuck on the Salahi side of the room.  It seems clear from last night’s episode that she is done with them, even though she tried to remain neutral with the Salamis (not a typo) and give them a chance to explain their side.  Stacie has reconnected with her birth father. Yay! and his wives...weird.  Well best of luck on the trip to Nigeria, bring a Bravo crew.

Cat:  Cat's hot husband Chaaaarles left her and has not seen the children in 9 (or 6, I was a few glasses into it at this point) months.  Cat is still Cat and I like her. I was never really sure, but now I am committed to my like of Cat.  I like that she does not put up with the Salamis at all.  And give the woman a break, NO ONE likes Tyra Banks. Just bitchy old Ericka.  It is going to be sad for Cat that she will be the only one next week without a man next to her (see Michaele below for evaluation of her comments regarding Charles).  Also did anyone read that Cat once made out with, snogged, Prince Harry? Add a point to the like column.  Cat Snogs Prince Harry

Michaele.  Where to even begin with this one.  At this point we know she is a shell of a woman who was born Michelle Ann Holt, Missy.  It seemed to me on the finale episode all of the women were rooting for her to leave Tareq and start over.  I think during the Senate hearing, if she did that, the women would have at least given her a little more credit.  Sadly, at this point she is so lost in her web of lies and confusion that there is no hope.  Why did she start crying when asked if "she went anywhere without her husband?" She is trapped and no longer can escape.  She has missed her chance to run back to Trish McEvoy and be happy.  I am not saying that Michaele is anyway innocent in any of this.  She is a social climber whose ambitions have lead her astray.  WHAT was with those awful comments to Cat?  Charles would come back if she had love in her heart? She needs to be happy with a husband?  Awful. Just awful. And the MS BS, I’m not buying it.

For those of you that need more Ebong here is his blog:  http://www.ebongeka.com/

BREAKING NEWS

Snooki is dressing up like a pickle for Halloween.
http://www.styleite.com/media/snooki-pickle-halloween/

Snooki wants to smush smush

Jersey Shore. This episode was appalling.  I know the show is not rocket science, but why are we allowing these men to act this way?  And by these men I mean The Situation. (Seriously if he calls up someone else and calls something a situation one more time I may cut off my ears) The Situation was annoying last season but he was not this appalling, right?  Listen, I know the girls that come over after the club are morons too.  You know they know The Jersey Shore cast (and they have to sign an MTV release to get into the house) and they know that they are being called DTF girls, however, the meanness of Mike when he kicks them out because they are not DTF is horrible.  That being said, poor Pauly D. Time to move into the Smush Room permanently.  And Sammie your Asian remarks may have been a little offensive. Finale next week!

Reading is Fundamental

Apologies for not keeping up with the Kardashians this week, I blame my parents and books.  My parents were in town for 5 days (full of musicals, restaurants, and the Food and Wine Festival) and I started reading the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. 

I would never ever tell someone to read a book instead of watching Teen Mom….but if you do, these are the books.  Most of you know how much I love reading and my obsession with the Young Adults section at Borders.  Like most recent YA books, I believe this series transcends the category of YA.  So if you must read a book (or 3) these are the books. 

I promise to get back on my game tomorrow.  My Friday and Sunday are devoted to my boyfriend, DVR.

No Ordinary Family

Loving this show!  Love Julie Benz.  Full review tomorrow.  AND Stephen Collins!! I live for anything Stephen Collins is in, from 7th Heaven to First Wives Club and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Ladies I know you hear me.

sorry!

I have been off my game.  Tomorrow I will update on all of the shows I have missed!

dexter
desperate housewives
brothers and sisters
30 rock
the office
sisterwives....

Very Bad.

Sorry I was useless last night in the tv department.  Drank an old fashioned instead.

Tonight expect recaps of 30 Rock, The Office, Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Ebong, and hopefully Bluebloods. 

Have a great weekend!

Cocktails.

I need a cocktail tonight. I have so much to catch up on. The Big C, Weeds, Real World Reunion (or the Not Gay Ryan Show), The Real Hot Husbands and Ebong of DC, and all of the premieres tonight.

I hope to get Liz Lemon in tonight but I may not write about it because of my no blogging beyond 2 cocktails rule. Is Julianne Moore and that awful accent back this season? I hope not. I love you Julianne but not on 30 Rock.

Can someone tell me how My Generation plays out? I have it set up to record but I will gladly pass if it is not good.  As our First Lady says: "Thanks" but in all seriousness "Thank You" ~

Top Chef - Reunion and Desserts

*** will always post about Top Chef if only to post pictures of Eric Ripert***

Top Chef DC was terrible.  Clearly, Tiffany should have won (or Ed, Angelo, or Kenny...or even the dreads weirdo that got kicked off first). 

Last night's reunion with our favorite executive/host, Andy Cohen, was 100 times more exciting and funny than the entire season put together. Kudos.  I recommend watching the clips where the houseguests pull pranks on each other. 

At the end of the show, Andy announced the cheftestants (yes I hate that word too) that are going to compete in the upcoming Top Chef Allstars.  Here is the list (even though they have been filming around New York for over a month now...not actually a first time reveal).
Elia Aboumrad, Stephen Asprinio, Richard Blais, Jennifer Carroll, Tiffany Derry, Tiffani Faison, Carla Hall, Mike Isabella, Jamie Lauren, Dale Levitski, Antonia Lofaso, Spike Mendelsohn, Angelo Sosa, Dale Talde, Casey Thompson, Marcel Vigneron, Fabio Viviani, Tre Wilcox.

Most excited for, Jen, Richard, Casey and Fabio.  Least excited for, Tiffani, Mike, and Carla "Hootie Hoo".  Should be a good season! Anything at this point is better than DC and the disaster that is Desserts.

TC Just Desserts.

Disaster.  This show does not deserve to be included in the best reality show emmy win.  Pretty upset with the guy they kicked off (I'm not going to pretend to know any names besides Seth, who we will get to in a moment).  Mr. Kicked Off is talented.  The other two buttheads in the final two, girl who cant finish and Seth should have been more than kicked off....

"Seth is in tears because he didn't get his ice cream on his plate."

Grow a pair Seth.  Also, look into ativan and paxil.  He makes me so angry I cannot even write about him.

Great lesson learned in this episode. Never help anyone out. Done.

Time to go eat a cookie.

UPDATE

Rumors are spreading that Kate + 8 is cancelled. 

The show is not being cancelled because of ratings, but because Jon will not sign the contract to allow his children to be on tv (he really should, he legally gets some of their money and that buys a lot of Ed Hardy).

This could be a great thing for me.  So much shame in my inability to stop watching these clowns.

P.S. who is excited for Sister Wives?!?!?!

Girl with the Negative Tattoo

Modern Family.  Wahoo! It is back.  Modern Family's creator, Steven Levitan, has truly perfected the formula for comedy.  Does anyone not like this show?  If you don't, I really would like to know why. And if you don't, where is your soul?

Last night's premiere definitely did not disappoint.  I find it amazing that each episode is capable in 30 minutes of giving each character something ridiculous or funny to do or say.  Poor Phil. The legos on the head, the mispronunciations and the dream of a time machine.  Phil's day was pretty similar to mine.  I walked into a glass wall at Duane Reade, noticed terrible grammar in my early posts and dreamt of a time machine. (now you see why he is my favorite) 

Quote of the show goes to Jay: "this is my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam."

Keep it up Modern Family.

**did anyone else notice all of the kids appropriately aged during the hiatus except Manny? odd.

Cycle 956

Antm.  Much like Kate + 8, there is no way you are going to talk me out of watching this.  That being said, I know this show is horrible.

Makeover episode! After watching 955 cycles (some of them many times on VH-1 marathon days), I always look forward to seeing the girls mid-episode with gigantic scarves on their heads, so as not to reveal their awesome new looks. 

As can always be expected Tyra made some truly horrendous decisions and probably ruined some of these girls for life.  Highlights included:

- a girl who she took to the dentist to make her gap in front teeth wider
- bleached (white) eyebrows with copper hair
- ronald mcdonald red hair on the girl who looks like the star of that awful CW show Hellcats (which I can proudly say I only watched one episode of and deleted forever from my dvr)

Not much else to say about this show except the obvious, the awkward tomboy is doing *gasp* surprisingly really well.

Another teenage pregnancy show

Life Unexpected.  I started watching this show last year at the behest of my friend M.  It is a really entertaining show though rather disconcerting that the mother and father of Lux look like they are my age and she is 16.

Moral of the show.  You can still be a family even if nontraditional.  Thank you CW. 
I'm also happy to see Shaun Sipos from Melrose Place get a new job because like Baz he is gorgeous. 

Lux's boyfriend's name is Bug. That is my nickname from my dad.

Watch this show its good! -- Bug

Dancing with Bristol Palin

Welcome to our guest blogger D.Z. Miss D will be guest blogging on DWTS and whatever else she wants to write about. Lets all welcome her!

DWTS.My thoughts after Week 1 of DWTS:

 

Not the most thrilling of seasons. Sometimes a season comes along that provides us something to gawk at, either in a positive touching way (rarely) or just a way to watch a car wreck from the comfort of our couches. An amputee! An 82 year old! A deaf woman! How will she be able to dance? What will happen? Will the prosthetic fly off mid fox-trot? Will we witness a tragic death on ABC tonight? This season we have none of that. Personally, after a one year hiatus from a show I have otherwise diligently followed since whats-her-name from whatever soap won the first season's mirror mall over whats-his-name who played Elaine's boss on Seinfeld (Kelly Monaco and John O'Hurley, respectively. I know my shit, I'm just making a social commentary on the the celeb statuses of the "Stars."), I am now back to watching but feel that the fire is lost. Last season I was set to be a bigger fan than ever since Samantha Harris, the most awkward host of anything I've ever seen on television, was finally out. However, Kate Gosselin, my arch nemesis (Wiki her and you'll see me mentioned as such), forced me to boycott the season. I thought that was the end of my love affair with DWTS but alas, The Situation - who stole my heart on chicken cutlet night - is on this season and my love affair resumes. I have nothing to report of this week except that no one impressed me very much and the Hoff seemed to make his premature exit. I did expect him to get enough votes to stay because he's David Hassehoff and thus the epitome of kitsch. This show ain't nothin if not kitschy.

D.Z.'s Comment on Fall TV:

You know those medical dramas where everything is quiet but then there's a bridge collapse or school fire and suddenly there is just a giant influx of patients rushing through the doors of the ER and pandamonium erupts? That's how i feel about the impending fall tv lineup.

Birth Control

Teen Mom.  I could not sleep knowing that Teen Mom and Life Unexpected were sitting there on my dvr so once again I was up late in front of the tv.  I am a huge fan of this show and could probably write a book about my thoughts. 


Maci.  During the first season Maci was obviously the most level headed teen mom with the most stable and supportive family.  Ryan, her babydaddy is a loser. Bentley, her child is adorable (but the name is stupid).  Last night Maci moved to Nashville to be with her new boyfriend she met at the beginning of the season.  Stupid idea.  She left without court permission. This is really  going to benefit Ryan in the end. 

Farrah. I do not even know where to begin with Farrah.  Between seasons, it was reported that Farrah's mother was arrested for hitting her.  When I first heard about Farrah's mother beating her ass, I really thought that if I was Farrah's mother I would beat her too.  I'm sticking with that opinion.  This post is labeled "birth control" because seeing these mothers relate to their children is a form of birth control.  But, in all actuality, having Farrah as a child is really the major form of birth control.  She is awful, spoiled, and stupid.  Who goes to cooking school and puts an entire bag of frozen rice in a pot? Sophia is also adorable. 

Amber. Oh Amber and Gary.  Stop yelling. Just stop yelling.  You two do not need to be together, in fact, you hate each other. Figure this out or your daughter is destined to a similar fate as you two jokers.  Gary seems like he is missing a chromosome.  Amber does however look amazing.  I need to look into the Amber diet (I read about it in US Magazine but I cannot remember what she did).  Amber is also trying and failing to get her GED.  The other day, I found a practice GED test online...I did not do so well. Keep trying Amber. 

Catelynn.  Poor Catelynn and Tyler.  Catelynn and Tyler put their baby daughter Carly up for adoption. Smart move. I applaud the maturity of these two so much that I ofter I forget they are teenagers.  Tyler is quite possibly the most sensitive and wonderful teenage boy I have ever met (or observed on reality television).  Their parent situation...oy. So Catelynn's mother is married to Tyler's father Butch.  Yes. It took an entire season for me to figure out this family.  Tyler's mother, who raised him alone seems to be a fantastic mother, always giving strong advise and support.  Catelyn's mother however is a train wreck and I have no idea why social services is not called.  I understand Catelynn is almost an adult but she has a little brother Nicholas and clearly this lady and Butch (who actually isnt there but in rehab and then county jail because he violated a parole order while in rehab) are not fit to be parents.  I really hope this show is not aired in foreign countries...does not make America look good at all. 

I could go on and on about Teen Mom but that is enough for now.

9/21 Part 2

Princess Beyonce (f/k/a Raising Hope).  This show is funny.  Shout out to Grocery Clerk reading Sedaris.

I do enjoy Betty White but from day one of this Betty White hoopla I have always said Cloris Leachman is the true old lady star.  I want to be just like her at 27. Foul and walking around in my bra (and that is really just Cloris not the character she plays). 

Martha Plimpton is a dream in anything she does.  This is no exception (and she always reminds me of her sexy dad Keith Carradine).
 
"I need towels I threw up on the baby." 

Running Wilde.  It wasnt the funniest but its the Arrested Development team so I am giving it another chance.  Job. Tobias.  Plus Peter Serafinowicz who is one of my favorite comedians (Stcanley with a "C"). Follow him on twitter. It is worth it. 

Nice dropping of the "I made a huge mistake."

I dont have much more to say. Holding out hope. The cast is so good.

Parenthood.  Parenthood the movie is my favorite comedy of all time.  With that being said I really enjoyed this show last year.  I am a complete sucker for a family show, and this one has bite, not to mention a fantastic theme song, Forever Young - Bob Dylan.


Love that Peter Krause (who you will have to forgive me if I only refer to him as Nate Fisher) and Lauren Graham are together in real life.  


I also thought I hated Dax Shepard but in this show he is incredibly charming. 

Jesus (true blood) and Zosia Mamet (madmen) are on the next episode!


Tomorrow I will watch Life Unexpected and Teen Mom. way too much tv. book time.

9/21 Part 1

Drag Queen's Ipod (f/k/a Glee). I was worried about the Sue and Will friendship.  It works.  But I think friendship is over. No longer worried.  Either way I can sleep.

Tomorrow at work I am going to start singing in the toilet and see who will battle me. 

I do not like sexual offender/teacher jokes, even by Jane Lynch. 

One nagging question, if Glee Club accepts everyone why do they have to audition? But besides that good return Drag Queen's Ipod.  Holding judgment on new cast members. My mother texted me before I even started the show that she liked the new cast members and I think she is too quick to accept. Not unlike Will Schuester...see how Sunshine worked out. (except Cheyenne Jackson. Always accepted)

 

Glee Facts. Artie, portrayed by Kevin Mchale, used to be in a really awful boy band.

Naya Rivera, Santana, kicks Quinn's ass this episode. This summer it was alleged she keyed boyfriend, Mark Saling's car (Puck),  based 100% on this scene alone, I fully believe she did. http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/glee-star-naya-rivera-throws-eggs-on-and-keys-co-star-mark-sailings-car/story-e6frfmqr-1225910522978

Cheyenne Jackson was originally considered for the part of Will Schuester.

Special shout out to J in this episode. Male nurses. Stop working night shifts so we can do this together.   

"Are those dog poop cookies?"

What I Did For Love. Yes.

Terriers.  (note not about dogs) I have no idea what this show is supposed to be about but free on primetime on demand (killing time before Glee starts). So here we go.

Ohhhh Renee from true blood. No ridiculous accent. Hmmm actually kind of cute when not a crazy murderer.

I've always thought donal louge was a seriously underrated actor. This show proves it. This could be a bryan cranston moment for him.  Lets keep trying this show.

Kate+8. Yes I know. I just can't quit it. Maybe its because I'm fascinated by the devil twins. Maddy is the worst. D knows all about this.

So this sums up the episode: "the kids don't know how to tie shoes. So I'm buying velcro." Note this episode was about the kids going to full-time school for the first time. Dumbledore bless their teachers.

So I only get more shameful. I follow jon gosselin on twitter (follow me @kristarie) and he post the most god awful cheesy things.

All this hatred being said. I cannot wait for the palin/gosselin camping trip.

Boardwalk Empire

This past Sunday Boardwalk Empire premiered to much hype on HBO.  And like most television shows and not very surprisingly, I liked it.  I do wish I would have waited to watch the first season on dvd.  I tend to like HBO shows when I can sit there and watch all day.  All day marathons are how I watched all of the Sopranos, Six Feet Under and True Blood (up to this point).  I am not saying I am slow or dense but the amount of characters and plot lines in all these shows can be very confusing and it is far easier to follow when watching in one sitting. 

Boardwalk Empire executive producer Terence Winter, of Sopranos fame is a St Johns Law graduate. I dont know why or if that is important but that is my fun fact of the day.

I think this show is going to be great.  Many people I know who watched the show, including my watching buddy and myself, were confused or didnt follow at some points, but I am confident it will get easier (think about the Soprano characters) 


Also the clothes are pretty and so is this guy. 

Word has it has already been renewed for a second season.  http://gawker.com/5644039/boardwalk-empire-renewed-for-second-season-already

Little Ms. Draper

Madmen is still going strong.  The best episode this year was the Don/Peggy episode.  But the stand out star this year is clearly Sally Draper.  Sally is walking that fine preteen line between sweet and batshit.  You cannot blame the girl, her dad is an absent drunk and her mom is well, Betty Draper.  The worlds worst mother.  I really like the development of Sally and the development of Kiernan Shipka who portrays her.  (Lets just hope Kiernan is not going to be the next Lindsay but judging by the Burberry spread she was in this summer, she may have a future in diva) Sally embodies two of my favorite adjectives, complicated and sassy, and like Sally there have been many times where I have fallen face first in front of an office of really cool people (like the time I was standing still at the copy machine and fell face-first into it for no reason, breaking the entire machine)  ... at least Sally was running with a purpose.

I also just recently found out that Joyce, Peggy's lovely lesbian photo editor friend from Time Magazine is played by Zosia Mamet, real life daughter of David Mamet. 

You're Welcome

This is going to be my daily segment where you can thank me for what I bestow upon you.

http://tv.gawker.com/5643045/real-housewife-kim-zolciaks-new-song-google-me

Monday 9.20

How I Met Your Mother. I'm beginning to feel about HIMYM the same way I feel about Entourage.  Maybe they are all just getting a little too old for these antics.  That being said I still greatly enjoy the show and found myself laughing pretty consistently throughout the entire episode.  The one truth is I just dont care who the mother is.  Its labored and old.  Does anyone even like Ted? I had to google the actors real name last night (Josh Radnor who actually did have a really good episode as a dead guy on six feet under http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0702028/ ).  This show should really just be the Jason Segel show.

The Event.  I'm hooked.  My first thought was that The Event was a cheap Lost rip-off. The music sounded like John Locke was being watched by the Others and there is a "plane crash" in the first episode...but it went beyond the similarities to become very engaging with a genuine wtf is going on.  I like this show enough that I wont spoil it because I want everyone to watch the pilot and tell me what they think.  But as  die hard Damages, True Blood, Big Love fan I do have one name and picture to post: Željko Ivanek oh and Candyman is in it as well.

Little People Big World. Yes you all make fun of me for this but what can I say I love the Roloffs and have spent many years watching them .  I will not bore you with my love of the Roloffs or pleasure that Jeremy is finally legal and okay to find hot.  But due to the new shows I was only able to watch one of the 2 episodes on last night, the one where Zach sold his high school car.  There is something off about Zach and not because he is a little person but because he is so afraid of change. Grow up Zach. 

Chase. (not The Chase as I keep calling it).

Did anyone else watch this? Did their DVR not allow them to fast forward? Annoying. Fellow blogger, Mr Craig Miller (new NBC employee http://littlepeachinthebigapple.blogspot.com/) told me to watch this.  It was pretty good.  Jessie Metcalf didnt annoy me like I thought he would. The lead girl (she looks like alice ripley but as Craig said minus the crazy eyes) did and I love Cole Hauser. I will give it a few more tries.

House. I never get tired of House.  This should however be its last season. Go out like Lost not 90210. Love House and Cuddy. What is the stupid name for them? Chuddy? Chouse? Whatever. Goodbye 13 you have always bored me. 

Chelsea Lately. (Meghan McCain with Josh Wolf, Heather McDonald, and Gary Valentine). 

First, unless there is a rapper on Chelsea Lately, it should always be all round-table. She is the best but not the worlds best interviewer.  That being said, she is hilarious. Quote of the show, "I am not banging 50 cent I am pretending to bang 50 cent." enough said for that episode. 

But alas Meghan McCain was on the episode...my first goal in life was to be a political blogger, Bristol Palin and Meghan ruined that goal. I do not want to be associated with these clowns. I do like that Meghan has come out position wise on things I agree with but lets face it, shes trying too hard.  But maybe in the end she is refreshing. Or stupid. I think stupid. 

TONIGHT GLEE!

Going to try to add some updated posts today about summer loves madmen, the big c, and the new crap fests that are entourage and weeds.  and maybe first impressions about Boardwalk Empire.

More ideas.

They say that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  But I do not think that is true.  I have largely lost the ability or motivation to "go out."  So I guess tv has no fury like a woman scorned and maybe its nothing to do with a woman scorned maybe it is simply once you reach late 20s its more enjoyable to watch tv and have 4 bottles of wine with friends.  As this develops I think my goals are:

1. not to be ashamed of what i watch ... no ones perfect 

2. share the ridiculous amount of wikipedia/c-list actor knowledge i have (that is usually little nuggets of wisdom just offered to my friends watching with me...and lets face it that is anyone who is actually reading my blog)

3. be honest and have fun

4. not blog under the influence of more than 2 glasses of wine or two fingers-full of jameson.  it is your duty as my friends and readers to immediately email, text, call, or bbm if you suspect this. and as you know me, you know when i will do this. 
5. I know im late to the blogging game and will try to be original but there is chance that i may at times use nicknames or slogans used by the glorious Richard Lawson, the fantastic Brian Moylan, the hilarious Michael K or may I dare say it even Perez Hilton. It is not my aim and lets pray over time I will develop a sense of self and tone.
6. also please ignore anytime i sound like bridget jones.  its not intended just something that has developed over time.


also why do i feel all comments are going to be from Diana or my mom. 

TV keeps me from dating. Welcome

Hi Everyone.  Most of you know me as I probably sent this to you.  But you know that I watch entirely too much TV to the point where I wikipedia characters in the shadows of a scene.  But I'm not a loner at all my favorite things is to have friends over, cook tv and watch together.  I am not sure where this is going. It may be recaps. It may be funny. I'm not sure. But hopefully it will make me amazingly famous and that way I no longer have to keep up with the job and I can watch during the day and get back to dating.